As children, when we were given our first pencils to scribble with, we scrawled gleefully and did not yet imagine the vast potentials contained in our simple, little toys. The same pencils we played with during our innocence might later be used to move a nation to war, discover a cure, draw a masterpiece, or, merely prepare a grocery list. Likewise, the first time we truly submit during sex, and are suddenly and without warning tornado-swept away in a revelation of ecstasy, we can not begin to imagine the possibilities contained in such surrender. Even so, we know we have felt and experienced something significant, powerful and wonderful.

It is probable that for most who experience it, the ride in that "tornado" is, itself, the focus, and it becomes just another one of life's many great rides-nothing more; they may never give it another thought, or even want to repeat it. And that is fine. The deep submission of slavery does not beckon to these.

But for a few of us, this flavor of erotic ecstasy fascinates us, and we wonder about it: Just how does this experience work? Can we (or should we) learn to "steer" the tornado' of submission somehow without destroying it or being destroyed by it? And so, some of us try to learn just how to ride the wild winds of submission, hopeful that they will return us to that ecstasy. When the search for this ecstasy becomes self-defining, we are baptized as bottoms-those who seek the experience, understanding and refinement of ecstasy that comes from submission. It is not only something we do, it is something we are.

Different bottoms tend to emphasize these three things differently, some just pursue the experiences and turn a blind eye to understanding or refinement. Others avoid the experience for various reasons, and focus instead on understanding their own and others' experiences. Some go after refinement either with or without understanding, and so on in all possible combinations. All this is usually not a conscious process for most bottoms, yet for a small number of us, it is entirely conscious.

Still fewer bottoms discover that, for us, there is a relationship between the type, quality, depth and frequency of our submission and the ecsta5y that blooms within us. Slave-hood beckons, and some will wonder about it seriously. It sometimes dawns on these bottoms that submission is a tool-a magic carpet for transport to ecstasy-but that there may also be other uses for the tool of submission, other destinations the tornado of submission can be used to visit. And a very few bottoms become curious about these other possible destinations. Can it carry us to destinations not in time and space? To wizards perhaps As a tool, just how much can I do? rt I primarily for these few that I write, though as I mentioned earlier, others may also be interested.

ARGUING WITH DESTINY

I am always amazed at the range of talents that people possess. I have noticed that quite often when a person has multiple talents, some of them are more likely to be explored, exploited and developed than others. It must be a rare individual indeed that organizes his life to optimize all his talents-I'm sure I've never met one. It has seemed to me that most such multitalented folks eventually decide which of their gifts will receive their focus and which will be put aside for the time being, perhaps longer, or even, forever. Often, the decision to specialize coincides with the development of maturity in a personality. We come to see that it is preferable to do one or two, or a few things, really well, really deeply, rather than spread ourselves and our time too thinly. And so, since we can not normally be in two places at the same time, we must decide whether to spend time living in a monastery or spend that same time learning and practicing law or medicine, or even pursuing our interests in slavery.

Also, with the development of maturity, our notions about time begin to change. Many of us come to see that we can have nearly anything we want, but can't have everything we want-we must choose, for the shortness of life will not allow us to have or do everything all at once. And we do this choosing in different ways. We choose based on what money "it" will earn for us or cost us; or we choose based on how well we can do "it"; or how easy "it" comes to us; or how much fun, or how satisfying "it" is to do; or we choose based on how others will react if we don't do "it." And, of course, once we've chosen, we can, and sometimes do, change our minds as we discover more about "it" or about ourselves doing "it."

But some of us choose "it" because we Must -because no other pursuit makes any sense to us. We choose it because we don't- perhaps cant-feel nearly as much real passion about anything else. And passion is like a butterfly, hovering above the fields of life in bloom. It has a will of its own. The issue then is whether to surrender to to honor-the place where our passion leads us, or whether to deny it, ignore it, turn away and force our lives to turn aside toward another destination. Still, for some of us, it is passion that dictates destiny.

All this is a preamble to making my point that, for some of us, our passion alights on the flower of submission. When it does so, we must face the same decision faced by all passionate people: to acknowledge and honor passion's call or not.

As it happens, there are several types of major cultural institutions that just happen to allow, encourage, or even require submission- in widely varying degrees: religions, the military, professions, governments, crime, fraternal organizations, commerce, competitive- sports, and families. Sometimes submission- (and or dominance) is an outright requirement from individuals as a condition of participation in these types of human activities, depending on the specific group in question. There is no way to estimate the numbers of people who may secretly get their dominant and or submissive needs met in these types of circumstances. This may happen unconsciously or not, depending on how self-aware a particular person might be. We probably all know of people in the Master/slave world who spent important and meaningful time in military service or perhaps a religion until they discovered that they wanted something more-something deeper and more personal, and, yes, something erotic.

But as it turns out, we live in a time when mainstream culture views the personal, erotic submission of one person to the will of another in ways that do not validate it as a legitimate activity, process, meditation- , or destiny. In the cultures where such submission- is practiced, it is not accepted as a sufficient principle around which one can organize or build an identity, life, future or relationship either with oneself or with another. It isn't too much trouble to understand that a person might build these things around a law practice, the mastery of the Japanese tea ceremony, understanding the migration patterns of caribou, or the study of Buddhist monks.

In general, contemporary society is prepared to validate all these as acceptable passions to which one might devote his life. But no such validation is conferred upon those of us who would choose to examine and discover the universe through the lens offered by personal, erotic submission. Outsiders are not prepared to understand that the passion of surrender has the power to take hold of us by the throat and fire our imaginations to the white heat capable of fusing sexuality and surrender into such a lens-a tool powerful enough to comprehend- anything worth knowing.

This absence of external validation seriously complicates decisions for those of us whose passion lays in submission. "Can I walk away from my fellowship at the university to move to another city to be Mr. B's slave?" "Is there a way for me to pursue my career and really offer myself to someone as a candidate slave?" And so we agonize about it.

Even among communities of self- accepting sadomasochists, those who would make lifestyle commitments based on their passion for submission (or dominance for that matter) are usually viewed as ex- extremist or somehow "on the fringe." And I suppose, if the numbers are any indication, then perhaps we are extremist- . But numbers do not tell the whole story. Very few have walked on the moon, but we do not call them extremists. No, the charge of extremism is leveled at those of us who would build our lives around submission most probably because of erotophobic attitudes. OK, so perhaps we're extremists, so what?

In the final analysis, the issue is whether one will or will not honor his passion. To back away from the passionate call of deep and ongoing submission of slavery one risks his integrity. Turning away means building into one's awareness the knowledge that he is hiding from something important, passionately important inside himself. The consequences are eventually the same as when one denies one's gayness-a war within the self inevitably ensues. These sorts of wars create friction within one's psychology and act as a drag on one's creativity and spontaneity. Such wars and the fallout from them are the enemies of serenity and happiness. Psychotherapists of both traditional and "new age" persuasions alike have constantly made the assertion that living congruently is a central key to happiness, and this means living the truth of what we discover ourselves to be.

Most often, the thing that is responsible for not honoring one's passion for submission is fear. Some who hear and feel the "call" of submission fear that it might mean the loss of or destruction of one's Self Who will I be if I surrender absolutely? Others fear that no one will want to Master them: What in no one wants me? We may fear that if we explore submission too deeply, we won't ever be able to "come back"; If I go too far, maybe I won't ever be able to be anything other than a slave.

But in life, the pursuit of great reward often means taking great risk. Those who launched for the moon knew they were risking their lives, and others who have launched for space paid that price. Even changing from a good job to a better job carries with it the fear that the new situation won't work out. Entering a doctoral program does not guarantee a position upon graduation. Getting married doesn't necessarily mean "till death us do part." Choosing to beget a child does not guarantee that it will be born healthy and not become a serial murderer. Trite though it may sound, greatness was never achieved by those who trod the well-worn path.

The bliss of surrender in slavery is a wondrous thing-a rare and treasured delight not savored by many. To achieve it, we must approach the temple wherein it awaits those who have prepared themselves for the journey in the spirit of both adventure and reverence.

Slavery requires bravery. lf you're not courageous enough to make yourself take the risks, then I suggest that you go out and insert yourself into programs designed to help you find your own bravery within yourself. If you are too frightened to proceed toward the realization of your slave passion, then the acquisition of this courage must be the first part: of your preparation for the journey into submission. There is no shame in being too fearful, it is only a shame to remain so. And this shame is esteem-killing and destroys integrity and self-respect. Who can afford that? Besides, what worthwhile Master wants to try things with a slave wannabe who is paralyzed by his fears and has no self- respect? It is not that you must do away with all fear (that only happens when the slave self is finally manifest someday), it is that you must find enough courage within yourself to prevent your fears from paralyzing you to the point where you will be unable to submit enough to actively seek your bliss in surrender.

Each of us who hears the "call" of slave hood must accept responsibility for our fears about it and wrestle with those fears. Few Masters possess the skills or the desire necessary to overcome our fears for us. And most slaves who have transcended their fears are, themselves, with Masters and therefore not generally available to support novice slaves through their battles with these fears. No, the early steps must be taken alone, in our heads or, more accurately, in our hearts, for we know the truth about who and what we are.

It pleases me greatly to observe that, at long last, there is evidence that the fraternity of Master/slave disciples has begun to coalesce into a viable thing. Thoughtful discourse about these approaches to life have been emerging in print media and on the Internet for a while now, and it seems that things are finally going to reach a critical mass such that real ignition now seems inevitable. And as the individual fires that burn in our bellies meet and join with others, the flame will serve to light a way for others to find us... and themselves-and find this special joy.

Masters are making careful contact with other Masters who see things as they do and are beginning to share what they are learning about themselves, their dominant process, and the ways they handle slaves and how it all works and feels. Likewise, slaves are reaching out to other slave brothers and supporting one another through the emotional irrational minefields that would halt our journeys toward our slave selves. Slowly, isolation is giving way to connections and contact. Many of us have come to see that we will do better with all this when we forge meaningful relationships with one another based on shared interest rather than try to confront obstacles in isolation. It is an exciting time.

No doubt, the birth of this once abstract fraternity will be accompanied by some predictable difficulties, but I am encouraged to be hopeful about the eventual outcome by the enormous respect that we evidence for one another and for the experience itself as we struggle to come to terms with the issues of the lifestyle and with this particular' love.